Did you know you can get rich overnight by becoming an egirl? Trust me, follow these four simple steps and you are GUARANTEED to become an online model millionaire:
- Post new content at least twice a week
- Share “day in my life” photos to Instagram daily
- Post teaser clips to TikTok four times a week
- Launder money for organized crime networks
Here, I even created this pie chart to explain things:
You might think I’m joking but no, I’m being dead serious. Imagine you are a criminal who wants to pay for a shipment of drugs, illegal arms or whatever. How exactly do you plan to do that in the 21st Century? Large international bank transfers draw a lot of suspicion, both to yourself and to the recipient. And even if you transfer or smuggle the money successfully without anyone getting arrested, the recipient still has to explain where that money came from. Note that even with cryptocurrency, you still have to go to a bank and exchange it for real money. Then you’re going to have to have a good explanation for how you pulled millions of dollars out of your butt.
Situations like this are when it is very helpful to have a platform that allows people anywhere in the world (that’s not sanctioned) to transfer money to “models.” This isn’t just one person transferring money to another, this is a clear and perfectly legal exchange of services.
All you really need to make this happen is a network of mules to subscribe to the model and give her payments that are individually small enough to not be suspicious. On this part I’m speculating, but I bet it isn’t even necessary to pay a guy and a girl to have a fake conversation. Both sides of the interaction can be performed by bots. The “subscriber” bot has a sexy conversation with the “model” bot, then transfers “her” a “donation” of $5,000 (or whatever the maximum amount is on that platform that doesn’t get flagged as suspicious).
I think these mules are actual people, but it is very likely that all they did was put their names on a bank account. Bots do the actual work of contacting models and transferring money, and with maximum efficiency and no risk of human error.
So before you make fun of guys for sending thousands of dollars to online “egirls,” contemplate for a moment that they might be the smart ones and we’re the dumb ones. Sure, actual simps exist, but it’s possible someone is paying him to transfer that money. If bots are doing the actual work, allowing your legal name to be associated with these transactions is passive income. Of course that money has to be discretely passed to the mules, but I would bet it is a lot easier to explain how a plumber in Colorado has $5,000 than it is to explain how an army colonel in Romania or Poland just got a $10 million SWIFT transfer from abroad.
Once the “model” has received the funds from these mules, it’s a taxable event and the money becomes legal. She can do whatever she wants with it. She can go visit “Mr. Burns” and tell him she wants to buy his abstract art, real estate, or just outright donate all the money to his charity foundation. The money went to the correct person, taxes were paid, and on paper no crime was committed. Everyone wins.
As cynical as I am, I constantly run into situations where I feel stupid for not being cynical enough. One such moment was when I read some mainstream news articles last year talking about this phenomenon of egirls making tens of millions of dollars. Oh, this girl posts some pictures online and makes $40 million a year. That’s not weird or suspicious, it’s because she hired MARKETING TEAMS. Ah yes, the famous marketing teams that make you $40 million a year. Okay then, I guess I’ll just hire my own marketing team and collect my $40 million! The sad part is I was actually stupid enough to believe that the journalists weren’t lying and this is a real thing that can happen. Then today I was walking my dog and had a thought. “Wait a minute, that’s the STUPIDEST thing I’ve ever heard!”
When someone gets paid tens of millions of dollars for doing nothing then OF COURSE there was crime involved. There can’t NOT be crime involved, for God’s sake.
As great as this racket is, what if it could be made even better by cutting out the middleman; the model? Remember when AI-generated art became a thing, and almost immediately there were mainstream news stories about egirl accounts selling AI-generated nudes? Remember how the journalists were acting like this is a real thing that’s happening and not an obvious crime? Again, for God’s sake. A web page selling pictures of naked girls without any actual girls involved is like a pizza parlor that doesn’t sell pizza. It’s an obvious money laundering front. There are probably some West Asian scammers trying to sell AI content, but the majority of successful AI egirl pages are almost certainly money laundering fronts for criminals selling fake pictures to themselves to make the money legal and taxable.
Today after I had these thoughts I did some research online, and apparently I’m not the only one. There are widespread accusations that egirl platforms launder money for criminals. But this isn’t international news every day. Journalists treat the egirl money laundering accusations as some quirky conspiracy theory that doesn’t merit any further investigation or attention. Yet another reason why I hate the media with every fiber of my being.
Ian Kummer
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You are just envious of the models)
I am 🙂
You are just envious of the models)
I am 🙂