A Tribute to the Smartest and Most Competent World Leaders

With the western world on the brink of economic collapse and nuclear war, we at least have the assurance of being led by very intelligent and qualified people who earned their positions of power through decades of hard, honest work. Let’s take a moment of our weekend to review the most powerful people in the world, and their great contributions to world security and prosperity.

Liz Truss

American voters choose a president through the Electoral College, rather than a popular vote, which is widely condemned as unfair and undemocratic. For electing a prime minister, the UK uses the much more fair and democratic system of not letting people vote at all. Liz Truss wasn’t prime minister for long, but thanks to her, the UK’s teetering post-BREXIT economy was quickly stabilized and re-established as a serious first-rate power respected and feared by friends and foes alike.

Emmanuel Macron

Like the British, French people are proud of having a democracy infinitely superior to the USA. Sometimes American presidents are elected with only 49% of the popular vote. The current French president, Emmanuel Macron, won re-election with an overwhelming majority of 27%. A populist at heart, Macron has a finger on the pulse of public opinion at all time. During the election season, many critics predicted widespread riots and civil unrest, but thanks to Macron’s astute stewardship, these troubles were avoided.

Olaf Scholz

Germany is the defender of Europe against the barbarian hordes of the East, and with great power comes great responsibility. A strong country and people need a strong leader, and there is no leader in the world stronger and more iron-willed than Olaf Scholz. He knows from the example of his forefathers, that sometimes strong action is needed, like sending German panzers into Ukraine. And sometimes, it is necessary to make sacrifices, like giving up butter for guns. But some emergencies are best resolved by doing nothing at all, and Scholz is a master of this.

Olodymyr Elensky

Olodymyr Elensky’s name, out of sensitivity for the people of Ukraine, has been appropriately censored of the hate symbols “V” and “Z” – hopefully there are no more Russian offensives otherwise the Latin alphabet may run out of letters. Ruskies, at least let us keep the vowels!

Ukraine has had six presidents, each of them braver, smarter, more competent, and less corrupt than the previous. Elensky is the greatest president Ukraine has ever had, a darling of the press, and is often referred to as the 21st Century Winston Churchill. A man of sharp wit, Elensky may be a bit lacking in political experience, but this just makes him more endearing to the people. A prestigious comedy and film career in Ukraine and Russia, including a deep and well-articulated film portrayal of Napoleon Bonaparte gave him human insights unknown to most career politicians. He ran for president on the peace platform of ending the civil war and honoring the Minsk agreement, and I must say, he’s doing a bang-up job of it.

Joe Biden

In 2016, a very bad orange man seized control of the the American presidency, proving that democracy isn’t always a good idea and voters can’t be trusted with unrestricted access to news and information. Fortunately, that mistake was remedied and Joe Biden was sworn into office after the most secure election in world history. Unlike Trump, Biden has made the world a safer place, reducing daily American COVID deaths to zero, preventing recession and bank collapses, and not getting America involved in any new expensive wars.

Biden is proud of America, which is a nation that can be defined in a single word.

Ian Kummer

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